Factors To Consider Before Marrying Anyone

Marriage is virtually the desire and dream of everyone. Almost everyone wants to get married. This is evidenced in our involvement in relationships. You know, relationships with God, our parents, siblings, neighbours, colleagues at work, classmates, etc. But there is one relationship we seek the most and that is the relationship with the opposite sex. Therefore, before you walk down the aisle to tie the nuptial knot with anyone, there are factors to consider before marrying anyone.

We are relational beings. There is nothing wrong with desiring to have an intimate relationship with someone because we are created for relationships and we are meant to function by relationship. We ﬁnd fulfilment when we relate. It was wired into the fabrics of our being. This explains why we don’t take rejection and loneliness lightly. When we are rejected by peers, siblings, romantic interests, colleagues, etc., it can be very depressing.

About two weeks ago, A 47-year-old accountant, identified as Afolake Abiola committed suicide by drinking a pesticide. The incident occurred on Friday, May 27, 2022, at her 1 Abayomi Kukomi Close residence in Osapa London, Lekki, Lagos. According to Vanguard, Afolake who is single, and childless had suffered depression for a while before she took her life. According to a family member, name withheld, “she has been battling depression for a while on account of no husband and no child.”

Miss Afolake Abiola was doing quite all right for herself, she was an accountant, living in a wealthy environment, and probably a millionaire but because she has no husband at 47 and no child, she took her life, unfortunately. This gave credence to what I said that we are relational beings. There is nothing wrong with desiring to have an intimate relationship with someone because we are created for relationships and we are meant to function by relationship. We ﬁnd fulfilment when we relate. It was wired into the fabrics of our being. This explains why we don’t take rejection and loneliness lightly. When we are rejected by peers, siblings, romantic interests, colleagues, etc., it can be very depressing.

1. LOVE

Since I said that love is not enough reason to get married to anyone does not in any way negate the importance of love in marriage. No marriage will survive in the long run with the presence of love. It will take a book to explain the criticality of love to marriage. Love is one of the first factors to consider before marrying anyone.

When there is no love in a marriage, anger, irritation, resentment, quarrels, frustrations, etc., are inevitable. To show you the importance of love, almost a whole chapter of the Bible was dedicated to that effect. ( see I Cor 13). Love is one of the vital pillars that sustains a marriage but as we all know that one pillar doesn’t sustain or hold a building, other pillars are needed.

According to an article, What Is the Importance of Love in Marriage?by Rachael Pace, “The importance of love in marriage is nearly endless. After all, marriage is not always an easy arrangement. Without love, you would never be able to have the drive, attention, selflessness, and patience it takes to make your relationship a lasting success. Love and marriage should ideally go hand in hand as love is often the glue that holds a marriage together. It can enhance the bond that you and your partner share. A marriage without love can often crumble as your frustration with the situation might deteriorate your health and relationship. It may lead you to act out that damages your marriage by acting out in rage or even cheating.”

So love is the first vital factor to consider. Do you love the person? Do you have feelings for this person? Does the person also feel the same way about you?

2. COMPATIBILITY

Apart from love, another important factor to consider is compatibility. Lack of compatibility is the leading cause of divorce around the world. Compatibility is defined as when two things are capable of existing together in harmony.

For two people from different backgrounds, upbringing, culture, orientation, experience, education, philosophy, etc., to live peacefully and in harmony with each other, they must be compatible. The compatibility is another important factors to consider before marrying anyone.

According to Janika Veasley a Marriage and Family Therapist, “Without compatibility, the relationship will quickly lose its lustre. You cannot build a life with someone when you are only compatible in one or two areas. That is not enough and it never will be. Be mindful that love and compatibility are very different. You can love someone with your whole heart, but that doesn’t mean you are compatible or that the relationship will work.”

Here are important areas you must be compatible with anyone you are considering marrying.

Spiritual compatibility.

Do your spiritual beliefs and convictions align?

Are the both of you born again?

Do you believe in the same or similar thing?

Do your spiritual values align with each other?

Purpose compatibility

Is there an alignment in purpose?

Are the both of you walking in the same direction?

Do you have the same or similar vision and ambition?

Do you want to do the same thing?

Mental compatibility.

Are the both of you operating on the frequency intellectually?

Some people are analog in thinking while some are digital. Some are still operating with the mentality of the 7th century in the 21st century. When you hear, “This is not how my forefathers and ancestors did it,” that is mentality speaking. Some men still believe a woman belongs to the kitchen and the bedroom room.

Health compatibility

Do your genotype, blood group, and Rhesus factor match?

What is your genotype status? AS, SS, AA, AC, SC

What is your blood group? A, B, O, AB

What is your rhesus factor? +ve or -ve?

Personality compatibility

According to research a large percentage of what you do is influenced by your personality type.

What is your temperament? Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, Phlegmatic? Or a combination of one or two?

Many couples are quarrelling and fighting today because they don’t have this knowledge of temperament, they don’t understand their partners.

So does your personality match?

Sex compatibility

Are your sexual orientations, education, and exposure aligned with the person?

What’s your take on oral sex, anal sex, and BDSM?

What are the things you cannot do or accept when it comes to sex, do they align with your partner?

Preference compatibility

This talks about hobbies or things that someone is interested in.

Is there an alignment with your interests and hobbies?

Do you enjoy the same thing?

See, when there is a disparity in any of these areas of compatibility, it may result in conflicts in marriage. Without compatibility, someone is going to get hurt, either the couple or the children. Lack of health compatibility is the reason why we have many children today suffering from Sickle Cell disease.

I know a couple that has lost 2 out of their 3 children because of this sickness. And these are children they spent almost 12 years looking for. Lack of health compatibility in the Rh factor is one of the reasons why many women are having miscarriages but they don’t know, this is medically backed up.

3. THE WILL OF GOD

The will of God is another factor to consider before marrying anyone.

What is heaven saying about this person you’re considering? What is God saying? You must consider if this is the person God wants you to marry because God is the Originator, and Founder of marriage. He knows these things better than we do.

The will of God in marriage is simply the person whom God approves for you to marry. That is, some that God is pleased with and approves for you(see Matt. 3:17).

Now, this doesn’t mean that God specially created one particular person for you to marry. There is nothing like that. But as a child of God, you need to carry God along in your choice of life partner.

4. GOOD CHARACTER

Good character is a non-negotiable factor to consider before marrying anyone because while you may marry a beautiful lady or a handsome man, it is their character you are going to live with. A person’s character is who he or she is and that is what you will live within marriage.

When someone has a bad character, no matter how much you love the person, you are going to suffer from such a marriage. You live with a person’s character and not their beautiful or handsome faces. To know more about the importance of character, please check this out. Click here

5. SUITABILITY

Water gets levels. The shoe gets size. Clothes get size and so do you when it comes to marriage. Everybody is not your size. It is not every shoe that is suitable for you, it is not every clothes that fit you, it is not every man or woman that is suitable for you. You must consider the person to be sure he or she is suitable for you.

Even God understands this. In Gen 2:18 the Bible says, “The Lord God said, ‘“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”’ By explanation, suitability means when something is capable, qualified, fit, proper, and appropriate for something. You cannot put a squared peg in a round hole.

Love notwithstanding, it is not everyone that is suitable for you, your personality, your purpose, convictions, aspirations, etc. Look for your size. Find your levels.

6. AGREEMENT

The Bible asks this important question in Amos 3:3, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? The answer is a capital NO!

By definition, an agreement is a state of being of one opinion about something or harmony of opinion, action, or character. There are issues that a couple needs to agree on with each other if they will navigate the ocean of marriage successfully.

Take for an instant, a feminist and a non-feminist, these two people are different in opinion, when it comes to submission, order, and leadership in marriage. If they are not in agreement in this area, what do you think will happen?

As a man, you want to marry a housewife, a woman that will stay at home and take care of the home and the children yet you will not look for such a woman to marry. You will be looking for an ambitious career-driven woman and want to force her to stay at home, that is not right. There is no agreement here!

Lack of agreement will lead to conflicts and irreconcilable differences and if these are not managed properly, the continuity of the marriage will come under threat. Disagreements often lead to conflicts and fictions, fights, quarrels when they are not properly handled, this is why agreement is among the crucial factors to consider before marrying anyone.

7. YOKABILITY

“Yokability” is a word I coined from 2 Cor 6: 14, the Bible says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness…”

In Israel, the farmers have a practice of yoking two animals of the same kind, say two donkeys, together to plough the ground for plantation. The two animals that are yoked must be of the same kind. You can’t yoke a donkey and a sheep together, you cannot yoke a donkey and a cow together. That’s an unequal yoke.

Marriage is a yoke. It yokes two people of the same kind and with the same purpose together. A believer and an unbeliever is an unequal yoke because both of them are different. They carry different natures and have different purposes. Because of love, many zealous sisters got married to unbelieving partners, today they are nowhere to be found in the faith. Their husbands stopped them from going to church and ruined their Christian lives.

The same applies to some brothers. When you yoke a donkey with a sheep together, there will be a problem. The donkey is likely to strangulate the sheep to death or the donkey may end up having a hunchback as a result of bending. So ask yourself, can I be yoked with this person and there won’t be any problem?

If you don’t want to be strangled to death or develop a hunchback, my dear look for your mate. Your progress in life will either be accelerated or decelerated; it all depends on who you marry. These factors to consider before marrying anyone is not something to joke with.

8. A CHILD OF GOD

A child of God is someone that has repented from his sins and surrendered his life to Jesus. He’s someone that has encountered Christ and by that encounter, his life changed. The person you want to marry, is he born again? Don’t marry someone that’s under the leadership of the devil.

Marry someone that values his or her relationship with God more than they value your relationship, marry someone that doesn’t want anything to stand between him and God, such a person treats you right, such a person will not abuse you physically, emotionally, or otherwise, such a person will not cheat on you. Someone being a child of God is one of the important factors to consider before marrying anyone. It will save you from unavoidable circumstances.

So these are some of the important factors to consider before marrying anyone. No matter how much you love someone, if these factors are not checked, I bet you there will be problems. Make your marital journey as easy as possible by getting it right from the beginning.

Tick the boxes before you go further

Love ✅

Compatibility ✅

The will of God ✅

Good character ✅

Suitability ✅

Agreement ✅

Yokability ✅

Child of God ✅

In conclusion

Get to know who you are considering marrying. Don’t marry a stranger. The dating or courtship or talking stage is not for frivolities. They are agencies and mercenaries for getting things right. I hope you can agree with me now that love is not enough reason to get married to someone, that there are other factors to consider before marrying anyone.

Do you enjoy this article, factors to consider before marrying anyone, please share your thoughts with me in the comment section and share this article with your friends?

Thanks for reading.

#marryright #treatingrelationalissues #buildinghappyhomes #blissfulfamily