To sustain a long-distance relationship is not an easy task nor is it for the faint-hearted. In normal circumstances, running and sustaining a relationship is stressful and tasking.
Relationships will task you emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, and otherwise but when it becomes a long-distance relationship, it becomes even more stressful and tasking.
This is one of the reasons why so many people don’t bother themselves with entering a long-distance relationship. Apart from the fact that sustaining a long-distance relationship is stressful and tasking, a lot of issues also come with it and this is what many people can’t just deal with. I don’t blame them, long-distance relationships are very stressful.
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Sandra And Williams Dilemma
Sandra and Williams met each other at a business and career workshop organised by Williams’ company. Sandra was invited by her friend, Clara who got to know about the workshop via an advert on Facebook.
Sandra was processing her visa to travel to the UK for her Master’s degree program while Williams was in Nigeria working with one of the multinational companies as a Sales Manager of one of the branches.
During the workshop, Williams noticed Sandra. She was such a beautiful lady, tall and elegant. She will not pass without you noticing her. He approached her, introduced himself and they got talking.
At the end of the workshop, they exchanged contacts and they started talking more often. Williams asked for a date and they started hanging out eventually they fell in love with each other.
After about 3 months of being together, Sandra announced to Williams that she is processing her papers to travel abroad to further her education.
Williams wasn’t happy initially that his woman was going to be away for a long while. He doesn’t like a long-distance relationship but because he had come to love Sandra so much and because Sandra was doing something meaningful with her life, he gave his support.
Before she travelled, they had a heart-to-heart discussion about their relationship and whether they should call it a quit or continue. After many deliberations and weighing of options, they agreed to continue with the relationship.
Now, the big question is how are they going to sustain the long-distance relationship? Before I show you how to sustain a long-distance relationship, let’s understand what a long-distance relationship is all about.
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What Is A Long Distance Relationship?
According to Wikipedia, A long-distance relationship (LDR) or long-distance romantic relationship (LDRR) is an intimate relationship between partners who are geographically separated from one another. Partners in LDRs face geographic separation and lack of face-to-face contact.
In other words, a long-distance relationship is a relationship that, which the two people involved are not in the same locality or vicinity. That is, they are not in the same state or country.
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Challenges Of A Long Distance Relationship
According to Rohlfing (1995), he suggests the following unique challenges for those in long-distance relationships:
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Increased financial burdens to maintain relationships
Like I said in the first paragraph, to sustain a long-distance relationship will cost you more financially than a geographically close relationship.
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Difficulty maintaining geographically close friendships
When people get used to a long-distance relationship, maintaining a close relationship is always difficult.
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Difficulty judging the state of a relationship from a distance
While in a long-distance relationship with someone, your partner may be cheating on you with someone else and you may never know about it.
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High expectations by partners for the quality of limited face-to-face meetings in the relationship
When your partner stays away for a long time, there is a tendency to miss them so much.
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Unfaithfulness
Recently, a lady told me that the man she’s planning to settle down with is cheating on her with another lady. They are in a long-distance relationship.
This is one of the challenges of a long-distance relationship. To sustain a long-distance relationship is not easy. While you are committed and faithful to your partner, he or she may be cheating on you with someone else in your absence.
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How To Sustain A Long Distance Relationship
1. Love And Be Loved
Do not make the mistake of entering a long-distance relationship with someone you don’t love or someone that doesn’t love you in return.
Do not waste your time and energy if you guys don’t feel anything for each other, it won’t work.
Love is critical if you must sustain a long-distance relationship. Without love, you will easily get tired and stressed out.
Make sure you guys love each other, you are on the same page, and you both want to keep the relationship before you commit yourselves.
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2. Trust Each Other
Someone said, “Trust is essential for both parties in order for an LDR to survive. It’s especially important in a long-distance relationship because often there is a fear that your partner will end up with another person. Lack of trust can lead to doubt, jealousy, suspicion, and paranoia.”
To sustain a long-distance relationship, you must trust each other because, without trust, a relationship is as good as nothing. In fact, a relationship cannot survive without trust. And you cannot be trusted when you’re not faithful.
Without trust, you cannot have peace of mind, you will always be worried and suspicious of your partner and the relationship can’t survive that way.
Since it is important to trust your partner to sustain a long-distance relationship, it is equally important to be trustworthy and faithful. Trust is not a gift, it is earned.
Go where you say you will go, and do what you say you will do. Let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no” and if there should be changes, your partner should be aware.
Avoid double dating. As a lady, because you’re in a relationship with a guy will not stop other guys from wanting to have you, but it is your responsibility to let them know that you are not available.
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3. Be Transparency And Open To Each Other
Due to the fact you guys are geographically separated, it becomes important and necessary that you are transparent and open to each other.
You should not keep any secrets from each other. Your partner should always be aware of your movements, plans, day-to-day activities, challenges, etc.
When your partner calls and demands to know your whereabouts, it should not be an issue because you owe him or her accountability.
If a guy is disturbing you as a lady, your guy should know about it, and likewise the guy. Be transparent and open with each other. Secrets kill relationships and it makes trusting hard.
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4. Be Committed To Each Other
Denzel Washington said, “Without commitment, you’ll never start. But more importantly, without consistency, you’ll never finish.”
Without commitment, you cannot make the necessary efforts needed to sustain a long-distance relationship.
To be committed means you will love your partner,you will communicate as often as possible,you will be faithful, you will trust,etc. You cannot be faithful when you are not committed to your relationship and your partner.
5. Communicate Everyday With Each Other
Communication is an essential part of a relationship. When communication is missing in a relationship, it is just a matter of time before the relationship will hit the rock. Without communication, there is no relationship.
Unlike before, technology and social media have made it possible and easy to communicate with anyone in any part of the world provided there is internet there. We can see each other in real-time even when we are geographically separate and miles apart.
Make communicating every day with each other a top priority. Make it a daily routine. No day should pass without hearing from each other. Aside from the fact that communication will help you to understand each other, it will also help to keep the relationship alive.
Communication is the blood of a relationship, without communication, a relationship will die a natural death. If you want to sustain a long-distance relationship, communicate as often as possible with your partner.
- Call each other as often as possible
- Text each other as the case may be
- Chat with each other every day
- Make video calls as often as you can
- Exchange pictures around the clock, when you wake up in the morning, when you dress to go out, when at your workplace, at night, etc. Make it a daily routine.
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6. Occasionally Visit Each other
Depending on how buoyant you are financially, once in a while you should occasionally visit each other. It’s important to keep the relationship alive.
The truth is that you cannot compare seeing face-to-face and being with someone you love in person to calling, texting, chatting, making video calls, and exchanging pictures. It is important if one must sustain a long-distance relationship.
Depending on how long the long-distance relationship will last, make it a duty to occasionally visit each other probably once a month, once every six months, or once a year as the case may be.
7. Carry Each Other Along With Your Activities
To carry each other long means to keep your partner posted and updated about every one of your movements, plans, and activities per day. It also means to keep your partner in the know.
Your partner should not be wondering what you may be doing at any point in time. He or she should be able to tell what you’re doing each time.
If you’re going to class or work your partner should be aware of it, if you’re going to visit a friend, your partner should know and for what purpose.
If there is any change of plans, your partner should be aware of such changes. This will help both of you bond.
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8. Exchange Gifts With Each Other
Once in a while, you should send gifts across to your partner wherever he or she may be or help to sustain a long-distance relationship. You can order something online and send it to him via a courier company.
Giving someone gifts is a special way to express your feelings towards the person. Pay attention to your discussions with your partner, that is one of the effective ways to know the things they love.
It is important to give gifts but at the same time, it is equally important to give gifts tailored to the likes of the person. When you give someone gifts he likes, it will be much appreciated.
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In Conclusion
To sustain a long-distance relationship is not rocket science if you can put in the work. It has worked for a lot of people and it can work for you if you are ready to do what it takes. With what we discussed so far, you should be able to work it out.
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Thanks for reading
© Samuel Okolie
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